Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Like a Virgin: Sex with Straights. Oral Pleasure. What Are the Rules of Virginity for Gay People?

Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Like a Virgin: Sex with Straights. Oral Pleasure. What Are the Rules of Virginity for Gay People?

Article excerpt

When did you lose your virginity? If the answer is a monologue rather than an age, you're not alone. A dozen queer Chicago youths ages 16 to 23 recently shared with us what virginity means to their generation, and their feedback highlighted the gulf between gay and straight concepts of' "losin' it."

With our gay group, they decide what constitutes real sex, and they view virginity as a mental state, not just a physical condition.

Eric, 22, had his first sexual experience with a girl, and therefore it "didn't count." Tony, 18, also had hetero sex before the gay kind, but he didn't enjoy it and thus remained a virgin in his mind. And when "Skitlz," a 16-year-old lesbian, had sex with a man it was "not a real experience," so her chastity remains intact.

But when oral sex enters the discussion, virginity becomes more clearly defined along gender lines. All the young women we spoke to consider oral sex to be, well, sex. According to Ciara, a 20-year-old lesbian, "Virginity means innocence. Giving someone the ability to see you, touch you, taste you ... that's losing your innocence."

The guys couldn't disagree more--to them, penetration is sex.

On this point gay men are on the same page with their straight peers, both male and female. …

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