Magazine article Connexions

Elizabeth Khaxas: To Love Another Woman

Magazine article Connexions

Elizabeth Khaxas: To Love Another Woman

Article excerpt

A woman who is considering an alternative relationship asked me how one becomes a lesbian. I told her that it's impossible to switch to a lesbian identity and lifestyle overnight, but that she could do what I did. . .

One day when I was thirty, I started to think about a few things. I realised that I could no longer pretend to worship men as demigods. They were simply human beings, and ones that I didn't even like very much. So fortunately, marriage was out, and with it any other oppressive heterosexual relationship.

You may decide like me to go and lie on a woman's bed, a woman you like a lot. You feign sleep until she puts out the lights, not wanting to disturb you. Then in the dark you bravely say: Actually, I'm not that sleepy, and by the way, I like you a lot . . .

If you're lucky, she'll put on the light and you will fall into each other's eyes . . . and that will be the start of a learning process of how to become a lesbian.

If you are a novice like I was, the big question in your mind will be: How does a woman make love to another woman?

Let me assure you that this is the last question you have to worry about, because women's bodies know each other.

Up to this point, everything was wonderful, I was in love and was loved. But then the next big question came up: must the world know about it? If it had been a man, I would have introduced him to my family and raved about him to my friends. They would all have secretly hoped that this would be the one to marry me.

To make things even more difficult, I didn't know one single other lesbian with whom I could talk about my happiness (things are much better now).

Perhaps you find a partner who wants to keep the relationship a secret. But this would be unfortunate, as I do not believe your relationship would thrive in the darkness of a closet, while your families and friends kept lining up the potential boyfriends for both of you on all occasions.

As an alternative, you can go to Sossussvlei and shout loudly into the desert that you are in love with a woman. You can hold hands openly there, and even make love on the sand dunes (mind the heat!).

Your mother might come to visit and will be wondering what you are doing so late in the other woman's room. …

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