Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Keep Up with the Times No 4057

Magazine article New Statesman (1996)

Keep Up with the Times No 4057

Article excerpt

Set by J Seery

There is an urban legend about a British judge asking: "Who are the Beatles?" And Clive Anderson has written of Sir Jeremiah Harman, who claimed not to have heard of Gazza and wondered aloud: "Is there not an opera called Gazza Ladra?" We asked for answers to some out-of-touch-judge-type questions from an even more ignorant barrister

Report by Ms de Meaner

The point of this comp is that the answers should all expose a certain innocence in the legal profession, an air of other worldliness. I definitely wasn't asking for what I have done in previous comps: creative definitions of common words (webcam: a photographic apparatus used by arachnologists) or new words based on people's names (Amy Winehouse: a well-known chain of off-licences), however amusing. [pounds sterling]20 to the big winners, the best of whom (Nigel Evans) also gets the Tesco vouchers. All the singletons get a [pounds sterling]5 book token each.

A Ronaldo is a waltz as performed by the former political journalist John Sergeant, m'lud.

Take That is otherwise known as a Glasgow haircut, your honour.

A chav, your honour, is one who follows the teachings of George Bernard Shaw.

Donatella Versace is, I believe, a character in a play by William Shakespeare, m'lud.

Hello! is, I understand, a weekly trade magazine covering the mobile-phone industry, your honour.

John O'Byrne

Bebo? It was, I believe, a fashion emporium popular in the Sixties, your honour.

Liam Kenson.

A USB port is a special type of fortified wine, m'lady. …

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