Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Life in the Rapp Family

Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Life in the Rapp Family

Article excerpt

What's ironic to me about being on the cover of this magazine is that I have never actually come out as a gay man; I resist labels and their limits. In fact, I've been publicly out only by virtue of the fact that I've thanked my various boyfriends in my bios for plays I've been in. And that's how I came out to my mother (my parents divorced in 1974): I told her that I had a boyfriend. It's an important distinction to me, and it's what fuels me in being open about my sexuality: I wanted my mom to know that I loved someone, and that someone was a man named Keith. I wanted her to be happy for me for being in love. This was when I was 18.

She was confused and hurt and saddened, as I was by her reaction. I spent the next seven years trying different ways to get her to understand and accept and love me as I am. Mostly, I attempted to share with her my relationships with my boyfriends I've had since I came out to her: Keith, Peter, Gabriel, and my current boyfriend, Josh.

This quest for her understanding became terribly urgent when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 1995. On my visits home in the last months of her life, I talked about Josh more and more each visit, and she became more and more receptive to hearing about him and about the two of us together. If she hadn't been bedridden, he would have come home for a visit.

My mom passed away in May of this year, and I will always be comforted by her words that she shared with me during one of my last visits: "I used to think there was something wrong with your sexuality, but I know now that it's no different than the color of your eyes or your height or your voice. It's just the way you are."

ANTHONY: Did you know I was bisexual before I told you?

DOUGLAS: No.

How did you really feel when I told you?

First of all, OK, and not surprised, because of who you are: bright and sensitive, being around show-business people for so very long. …

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