Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Proud to Be a Nonbreeder: First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage-And Kids? Journalist Stephen Milioti Says Thanks, but No Thanks

Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Proud to Be a Nonbreeder: First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage-And Kids? Journalist Stephen Milioti Says Thanks, but No Thanks

Article excerpt

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

I REMEMBER THE STRUGGLE of coming out when I was a teenager. It was hard for me, like for zillions of other boys who put on their mother's sundress and Malibu Pink lipstick and pretended to host a weekly newscast in the bathroom mirror. The only comfort, though, was knowing that I'd never have to do the Adam and Eve thing--fertilize a woman and have children. It helped me mentally to know this, because I just wasn't into babies. I was so excited I didn't have to take the normal route and that I could just focus on my life, which I felt was enough.

Today, 15 years after I came out, more and more gay men are having kids--through both adoption and surrogacy--and it's a wonderful thing to see. But I've still not been bitten by the baby bug; I prefer June, my Siberian husky mix, who comes from a shelter. She's a great daughter. I don't have to send her to an Ivy League school for $200,000. And if you ask me, she's cuter than a baby. Human babies just aren't that adorable. I think they all look the same, and I have a difficult time coming up with something sincere to say when friends show me pictures of their newborns.

A gay acquaintance of mine recently adopted a kid with his partner. And when I asked why, he replied, "I want to make an impact on the world, to create a family that lives on." I smiled but secretly found this narcissistic and Dr. Phil-trite. To some people, kids are a way of staying alive forever. But that's denial. The kid inherits the estate, but you're as dead as you would be if you were childless.

Maybe it's because friends see how good I am with my fur daughter (she's never without treats and is always going to the dog park), but they're always telling me that I'd "make a good dad." Some say it every month, as if to remind me that my papalogical clock is ticking. I could tell these people what I really think--that I'd rather spend my money on luxury watches than child care. …

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