Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Wallet or Won't It? When Picking Up the Tab Becomes Onerous, Is There a Polite Way Out?

Magazine article The Advocate (The national gay & lesbian newsmagazine)

Wallet or Won't It? When Picking Up the Tab Becomes Onerous, Is There a Polite Way Out?

Article excerpt

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Q: I'm dating a woman who makes much less money than me. The first few months together, I paid for meals and movies. Now she seems like she's used to it--she's not even reaching for her wallet anymore. I never said I wanted to pay forever. How do I handle this?

It's nice that you made the initial offer to pay. The trouble with paying every time, though ... well, it gets old and costly.

When you start pickingup the tab for someone, it's something that needs to be brought up explicitly at the outset, even though it's not a sexy subject. You can say, "Hey, I'm fine with paying for now--we'll reevaluate once you get the fabulous job I know you deserve." That sets some type of framework, which is important unless you've got a "sugar mama" arrangement.

Since you're past that stage, what to do now? You have no option but to communicate--fast. Just say, "Let's reevaluate the money thing. My budget has gotten tighter and I can't pay for both of us anymore when we go out to costly dinners. …

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