Magazine article The American Prospect

Parody

Magazine article The American Prospect

Parody

Article excerpt

"We're really close.... We're getting to a place where Democrats and Republicans both con get comfortable with this."

--Sen. Bob Corker on forthcoming financial reform

THE BIPARTISAN

Comfortable Financial Reform of 2010

KEY PROVISIONS:

1. If you can't learn to oversee yourselves, you're going to have someone overseeing you. This is your last warning. 'WE REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME.

2. whoever has been photocopying his buttocks with citibank's equipment will be expected to cover the cost of both the copy paper and the toner.

3. Any bundling of 1,000 tranches of option--ARM loans collateralized by property deemed by investors to be suboptimal (for example, if the real-estate agents themselves employ terms such as "nightmare," "trash," or "hellhole") must now be initialed by not only your immediate supervisor but also a department head.

4. A lot of you guys on Wall Streets, end way too much time at the office. Take a day off more often, recharge in Nantucket, hit the links.

5. Payday loan customers must now be asked, So are you sure you want all this money I m about to give you? …

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