Magazine article Management Today

Smoke & Mirrors

Magazine article Management Today

Smoke & Mirrors

Article excerpt

The comms chief unmasks the mischievous meddler who has been sending subversive emails around the company.


Every morning at Smokehouse we get the same three all-staff memos. The first is today's special in the canteen. The second is who has phoned in sick. I'm sure most of the organisation now assume one leads to the other. The third email is the guest Wi-Fi password. I don't know who dreams these up but I'm beginning to have my doubts about him. In the past few weeks we've had RedBanner52, GuidoFawkes69 and BourgeoisRoadkill15. Today we have a new all-staff email that's the most worrying yet and it's not the vegetarian lasagne. Our bewigged CEO Lynton Spivey has announced he's working from home. The last time he did that management consultants arrived and announced widespread redundancies and general bloodletting.


Lynton Spivey is still working from home. The guest password is ManagementP45. Whoever he is he's got a sense of humour. I checked with Barnsworth, our porky CFO, whether we'd been paying for consultants recently. He said that the last set of consultants had identified themselves as the biggest cost that needed to be cut. Naturally they're out of business now but they were beautiful while they lasted. I started to have a steady stream of board members popping in to ask me what the situation was with Spivey and whether they might be to blame. Mike Lamb, our CIO, was first through the door, admitting that a hackathon we'd sponsored had inadvertently compromised our entire LAN. I said he should relax as no one understood what he was talking about let alone the implications.


Wi-Fi code CapitalistApocalypse99. Canteen special chicken tagine Spivey working from home. Our new HR director Brenda Wayzgoose came in looking rather sheepish. She looks naturally sheepish so she was virtually shearable when she sat down. Some time ago Spivey had approached her with an idea of internal job transfers to break down our silo mentality. The take-up was so poor she'd never reported back to Spivey. I remember I'd managed to offload one tiresome little scrote to IT and received a perfectly pleasant young lady in return who clearly had no place in IT. …

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