Magazine article The Spectator

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

Magazine article The Spectator

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

Article excerpt

THURSDAY The government is in 'meltdown' and we are marking the occasion with lots of glacier jokes (Steve not amused) and by gazing at our collective navel. Much argument about who should 'be in the lead', and whether letting prisoners out is worse than sleeping with your secretary. Or, indeed, sleeping with prisoners.

Still, at least one good thing has come from the 'lags and shags' debacle, as Nigel likes to call it: Poppy is ecstatic. DD is finally ringing her in the middle of the night. Thank heavens.

It was becoming painful to listen to her whining on about the lack of intrusive phone calls demanding obscure crime statistics, 'Well, he did with all his other researchers' etc.

FRIDAY 'DD wants to kill someone', according to Poppy. She sounds a little afraid.

Apparently he rang her in the dead of night and started raving so badly that she put the phone down, hid under the covers and pulled a sickie today. 'They gotta let me at him' has become DD's catchphrase. 'I killed Blunkett and Hughes -- I can take out Clarke. Just you wait!' I tell her that this is what she signed up for.

She says DD is furious because Mr Maude and nice Mr Letwin have teamed up to stop him doing anything 'nasty'. All aggressive statements are forbidden under a code of (nice) behaviour called The Maude Protocol.

Things came to a head at a meeting to discuss how to handle the Clarke-Prescott row. Every time DD suggested something, they shouted: 'Too nasty! …

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