Magazine article The Spectator

Seduction Rules

Magazine article The Spectator

Seduction Rules

Article excerpt

I am seriously thinking of suing Silvio Berlusconi for plagiarising many of my lines. I love Berlusconi, but while he was crooning on board a liner long before he made his billions I was using lines such as 'With you I would go anywhere. . . especially to a desert island. . .' or 'I would follow you anywhere, even to the loo. . .I feel so possessive and jealous. . .' and other such corny lines. Uncool as they may sound now, believe me they used to work, and sometimes they still do.

All seductions begin with flirting.

Flirting is the key which turns the engine on. It is as simple as that. Without flirting, you cannot seduce, and without seduction the race becomes extinct. The British newspapers used the term 'playboy antics' to describe Silvio's badinage with young attractive women. But not everybody who uses chat-up lines is a playboy, otherwise you'd have 50 million Italian playboys and ten million Greek ones. Show me an Italian or a Greek man who doesn't flirt and I'll show you a pervert. Flirting has never ruined a marriage or driven a wife to drink. Coldness does that. Men who flirt usually service their wives regularly, and everyone else they can get hold of.

Nothing wrong with that; we Europeans need more people and less immigration.

About two years ago Rachel Johnson rang me and asked me for some tips while researching her novel Notting Hell.

Basically, how to handle a wife, a mistress and -- hopefully -- a few girlfriends. I wrote ten basic rules which were originally published by her in an article about her novel. So here, at last, are Taki's ten rules for playing away, straight from the horse's mouth: (1) Always remind your wife that you love her and will never leave her for anyone else, ever. (2) Always remind your prospective lover that, if she gives in, you will never leave her and that you love her more than your wife. (3) Always promise marriage. Promising marriage has served me well these last 50 years, although if one is past 60, one should promise that the last will and testament will look very kindly upon anyone who has had carnal knowledge of the soon-to-be deceased. (4) Never raise your voice or show anger. Always fake jealousy with both your wife and lover, and especially with your mistress. (5) Deny, deny, deny. Never admit the slightest indiscretion. Confessions are for amateur adulterers. (6) Be very generous before and after the affair. Women talk, and word that one is generous gets around quicker than bad news. …

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