Magazine article The Spectator

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

Magazine article The Spectator

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

Article excerpt

MONDAY A day of high drama. Heart-stopping parliamentary meeting at which Dave put the party on stand-by for an election in October. . .

THIS October!

Ordered everyone to start digging for dirt on Gordon. This would mean certain political death for those supplying the dirt when the Great Clunking Fist found out. Nevertheless it was our solemn duty. The GCF Unit is being headed by Mr Grayling. He was standing in the corner with a face as white as a sheet.

With all the excitement it was clearly no wonder I got confused and told the driver to take Dave to Tottenham instead of Tooting.

We were half way across London before someone pointed out that we hadn't crossed the river yet. Got there an hour late for the Big Re-launch -- sorry, I mean 'key note speech which has been in the diary for months'. Had to push Pops quite heavily out of the way to get to the local candidate, who is seriously yummy. She reckons I broke her toe but she's exaggerating as usual.

TUESDAY DD totally out of control now Dave's made him head of this Social Mobility Taskforce.

Outrageous scenes when he was given his brief.

Nigel said he was like a disgruntled cop called out of retirement to work on one last case which no one else can crack. He made Dave wait for hours before he agreed to do it. Then he strode around Jed's office saying, 'This is how it is. My way or the highway. I'm gonna need a car. And some new researchers. I want the pretty blonde one from Latvia with the degree in astrophysics. And some better pens, not the fibre-tips. …

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