Magazine article The Spectator

I Beg to Differ.Cats

Magazine article The Spectator

I Beg to Differ.Cats

Article excerpt

Should I even need to make the case in writing that cats are better than dogs? Would either a cat or a dog be interested in what I wrote?

A dog, told he was less good than a cat, would simply believe you. Anything to oblige. "Play crap, boy! Yes. There's a good slobbering idiot. Have a biscuit.

No. Yuk. Get that -- oh, stop doing that thing with the tongue. What the? Is that shit round your teeth? Oh god. . ." A cat, told he was better than a dog, would say: ". . ." Yet, let's try.

Consider their relationship to religion.

Modern Muslims won't have dogs in the front seats of their cars. The ancient Egyptians worshipped cats.

Consider their relationship to infanticide. If a dog kills your baby, it will chew its face off. If a cat does so, it will do so silently, as if accidentally, by lying on it while it sleeps.

Consider the matter in the form of a Socratic dialogue.

Girlfriend: "The cat's drinking out of your glass of water! …

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