Magazine article The Spectator

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

Magazine article The Spectator

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody

Article excerpt

Sunday Am exhausted already. It's this earpiece.

Every time I get settled into watching a debate or fringe event I hear Gary's voice shouting orders and I'm running off to some other place where an alleged BCR (Breach of Complacency Rules) is taking place. This morning I ran between the hotel and conference centre five times for a mixture of offences. I had to wrestle buck's fizz out of the hands of three shadow ministers who will remain nameless -- Dave knows who you are! -- and a whisky from a shadow cabinet member who claimed it was 'hair of the dog'. This only proves he broke the rules last night as well, so I chalked him up for two offences. (Which helps me with my BCR targets -- vg! ) Then I had to confront an MP openly laughing in the lobby of the Hyatt. I took him aside and read him the rules. He was adamant he had only smirked ironically while talking about Brown and national debt. Gave him a verbal warning to remember his Not Smiling Training and told him he might not be so lucky next time.

Only just got to watch Dave in the hall, sharing the proceeds of Gids's ideas on the economy. Then Gids chairing a debate with Real People on cream sofas -- just like Trisha!

Boris passed off peacefully, thank goodness.

Monday Am having to write this on my BlackBerry so forgive spelling erros. Haven't stopped all day. Near disaster with Mr Pickles. He was going round telling everyone about Gids's council tax freeze thinking he'd already announced it.

When I finally caught up with him he was hard at work charming a group of hacks -- 'Don't talk to me about bloody Tatler. I'll give 'em obesity, ' etc. …

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