Magazine article The Spectator

COMPETITION - Win Some. .

Magazine article The Spectator

COMPETITION - Win Some. .

Article excerpt

In Competition No. 2636 you were invited to submit either a victory song or a loser's lament composed by one who regularly enters this competition.

All in all it was a lively and entertaining entry. And while there were fond references aplenty to the good old days - 'Bono sub regno Jaspistou I'd gain, / The occasional cheque for my toil, tears and pain. . . ' laments Martin Woodhead - when good sense and justice prevailed, the current incumbent stands accused of a litany of crimes, including having a tin ear and no sense of humour.

Bill Greenwell, He Who Almost Always Wins, featured in many entries, as did several other serial winners, but Bill's victory song narrowly missed the cut. Josephine Boyle and Chris O'Carroll were also unlucky. The winners, printed below, get £25 each. The bonus fiver goes to Basil Ransome-Davies for a masterly portrait of paranoia.

When I didn't win last week I could tell it was

that clique

Who conspire to keep my winnings lean and low.

They're the calculating kind who have poisoned

Lucy's mind.

When I'm left out of the money, how they crow.

They subvert, connive and sneak; it's their

underhand technique

To dish a comper of the foremost rank.

Oh, I've sussed their little games. …

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