Magazine article The Times Higher Education Supplement : THE

Clearing Execution Shock

Magazine article The Times Higher Education Supplement : THE

Clearing Execution Shock

Article excerpt

Although the annual Clearing exercise that began this morning can traditionally generate some anxious moments and even a certain amount of friction as under-quota departments compete for candidates, this is the first year in which a leading Poppleton academic has been summarily executed for a serious lapse of concentration.

According to unconfirmed reports, Dr C.E.M. Jowett of our Philosophy Department was lined up against the wall of the new Administrative Block and shot several times through the head by an Admissions Office firing squad after his failure to "net" an AAB student who had phoned up earlier in the morning to express an interest in a Poppleton degree.

Although the news of the presence of an AAB student on the line had been appropriately marked in the Clearing office by the sounding of a bell and the firing of a small cannon, it appears that Dr Jowett had only just reached the Pounds 500 gift voucher stage in the list of AAB inducements when he chose to place the caller on hold to take a mobile phone call from his fiancee.

There was little sympathy for Dr Jowett among other members of the Clearing team. Professor K.J. Peel of the Department of Computer Science, who was hoping that Clearing would be able to remedy his departmental failure to recruit any students at all this year, described the execution as "a necessary wake-up call".


(contributed by Jennifer Doubleday, Head of Personal Development)

Here's a cautionary bit of advice for all those members of staff who are currently thinking of publicly denouncing the university's newly revealed plan for the future going forward: "A closed mouth gathers no foot. …

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