Magazine article The Spectator

Greens and My Kitchen

Magazine article The Spectator

Greens and My Kitchen

Article excerpt

People often say, 'I don't know how you manage to come up with something to write about every week.' Well, today I feel as if I'm writing a letter home from school. `Dear Readers, Nothing has happened. How are you?' A few stray thoughts have drifted through my mind while I've been reading the papers. There's a thousand to one chance a meteorite may hit the earth in 30 years time, and if it did it will wipe out a billion people and civilisation as we know it. `That would have the Greens jumping for joy,' I told my husband, and I made a mental note: `Be rude about Greens in Spec.' But, come this morning, I'm not in the mood.

I don't suppose you'd be interested in hearing about the nursery kitchenette? The red-head designer from the BBC's Home Front programme says the question she's most frequently asked is: `How can you do up your kitchen without replacing the units?' The answer, I'm here to tell you, is: buy new doors for your units, or, if you are really mean, paint them. Our painter/decorator remembers our old Formica units being put in during the Sixties. English Rose they were called. Top of the range, he says. It was difficult to believe that when they were white and shiny, even though they have lasted 30 years. But now that they are covered in Fowler and Balls Green Smoke (yes, it is possible to paint Formica - with the right base paint) they look very chic and the steel handles are positively Conran. We've also papered the walls, a fake wood floor covers the torn blue lino and a matching work surface has arrived from B & Q. I long to show it all off, but, as I have no intention of seeing anyone outside this house until Easter, this column is the only possible channel for my enthusiasm. I hope you understand.

A neighbouring farmer has telephoned. He wants to talk to Peter, but he's out, so we get chatting. What does he think I should write about this week? …

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