Magazine article The Spectator

Mind Your Language

Magazine article The Spectator

Mind Your Language

Article excerpt

AT convent school we were taught by the good nuns not to brood over lacrosse wounds or failures in examinations but to `offer them up' for the Holy Souls in Purgatory. I was strangely reminded of this entirely orthodox exploitation of the Communion of Saints the other day in Boots.

When I was queuing at the halfwayhouse counter between open-shelf remedies and prescription drugs - the place where the shop-girl waves a packet of medicament in the air to attract the attention of the qualified pharmacist while calling out Anusol!' or 'Diareze!' - my eye was caught by a product called Stop Snoring Spray (11.99 for seven weeks' supply). Here is what it said on the label:

Last thing at night after cleaning teeth, simply tilt head backwards and open mouth wide. Keep bottle upright, offer black spot on spray bottle up to the mouth. Spray three times, directing spray towards the back of the throat. Swallow and repeat again. …

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