Magazine article The Spectator

High Life: Taki

Magazine article The Spectator

High Life: Taki

Article excerpt

If any more proof were needed that Brexit is the best thing to happen to Britain since 1066 and all that, here it is: geologists have at last assembled a picture of the forces that tore a ten-million-year-old land bridge away and turned Britain into an island rather than a peninsula of Europe such as Denmark and Scandinavia. Yippee!

It was God himself who ordered it. The bridge ran from Dover to Calais and deep into Cheeseland, until the Almighty decreed Brexit. All this may have taken place a very long time ago, 450,000 years or so, but it's proof that God never wanted Britain to be part of Europe. End of story, you atheist, tantrum-throwing dilettantes; you preening, foul-smelling youths; you uninformed, lefty, combed-over BBC caricatures of real people. You've lost, so move to Brussels, share your wives and girlfriends with transsexual Belgian couples, take orders from the malodorous Jean-Claude, and like it.

This proof of God's will came to light during the underwater surveys made in preparation for digging the Channel Tunnel. It was the Ice Age, and in a cataclysmic flood, ordered, as always, from above, the white cliffs of Dover appeared as the bridge was torn up and Britain became an island. Again, yippee!

But enough of geology and God's will. Stranger things have been happening to me. Last week I went to the Boom-Boom Room with Michael Mailer and two beautiful redheads, both Irish. For some strange reason people were staring at us. I know, I know, it could have been because the girls were in their twenties, and I am just a tiny bit older, but I didn't pay too much attention to the attention paid to us. But it persisted, especially when we began to smooch while dancing. We had killed one bottle of vodka, perhaps two, when some wiseguy came up to me and asked me, in an English working-class accent, if I thought I was hot shit. I told him to fuck off and to my surprise he did. This was around 4 a.m. The next morning Michael rang and solved the mystery. The reason was a simple one: it was gay and lesbian night at the Boom-Boom, and we were the only four straight people in the room. Plus I was dressed like a banker among a crowd that resembled the cast of Samson & Delilah, the 1950s movie epic starring Victor Mature and Hedy Lamarr.

The Big Bagel is good fun nowadays. The MoMC arrived with my son, two grandchildren and three dogs, putting a damper on my nocturnal activities. My old buddy Chuck Pfeifer turned 76 and there was a lunch for his five best friends at Michael's, the restaurant that most closely resembles the defunct Elaine's, as far as characters are concerned. …

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