Magazine article The Spectator

Real Life: Melissa Kite

Magazine article The Spectator

Real Life: Melissa Kite

Article excerpt

My friendly neighbourhood Lib Dems have put some campaign literature through my door.

In a covering note, they intimate that they don't understand why I can't understand why everyone votes for them round here. The leaflet features a dozen pictures of our Lib Dem parish councillor doing good works in a variety of settings.

Here, he poses in a green field with the Lib Dem parliamentary candidate -- a persistent young chap I've had to ask to leave my front step on more than one occasion. There, he poses on the high street at a traffic black spot where he has discovered there are secret plans to install a roundabout. Lawks a mercy! Thank goodness our local man is on the ball, has caught the big cheeses at their usual game of being up to no good, and saved us from having one of those murderous, newfangled roundabouts in our village.

Beneath that, there is a picture of him outside a neighbouring parish rooms with the exciting news that a joint neighbourhood plan for this village and other nearby ones is being drawn up. Another picture depicts him on a bench at a horticultural attraction in one of these villages, and there follows this decree: 'By the time you read this, we will have had a village meeting to discuss the reformation of the parish meeting with residents of (the other) village.

'Our first move will need to be reconstituting the democratic village forum which comes in the form of a parish meeting with a chairman and clerk appointed at the helm of this. This will enable things to move forward...'

I'm willing to bet the only thing that's moving forward is the Lib Dem march for pettifogging power. Clearly, they are branching out, expanding their empire in their own inimitable style to create a parish council of parish councils. Baffling new layers upon layers of bureaucracy aimed at governing swings and roundabouts will soon be unfurled in all their glory, no doubt.

Personally, it confuses me how anyone has a power trip by arguing about picnic benches, but evidently they do.

Back to the covering note: I don't understand why the Libs can't understand why I can't understand why they get so many votes. So let me be clear: I don't get why people in this village cannot see through Lib Dem doublespeak. Nationally, they call for 50,000 Syrian refugees to be let in, but locally they campaign to block every single proposal for house-building anywhere near them. …

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