Magazine article The Human Life Review

FROM THE HUMAN LIFE REVIEW BLOG: Trusting Ourselves to Trust God

Magazine article The Human Life Review

FROM THE HUMAN LIFE REVIEW BLOG: Trusting Ourselves to Trust God

Article excerpt

The joy of being pregnant was dashed for me at five weeks when I found out that the twins I was carrying were high risk. The doctor told me there was a 50 percent chance both would die and an 80 percent chance that at least one would. Every other week more complications were diagnosed. The babies were only in one sack instead of each having her own, which meant an umbilical cord could cause strangulation. Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome threatened each of them in different ways-one would get too much nourishment from the placenta, taxing her organs, while the other would not get enough. Their weights needed constant monitoring. I was told again and again of my "right" to abort. Despite all the bad news, for nine months I was cocooned in a peace so sweet it seems almost unbelievable to me now. I had decided to hand over this worry-this piece of my heart-to God. Only He knew what the outcome would be. So I put my feet up and spent those months on bed rest, watching the Food Network and re-reading Jane Austen. At thirtynine weeks I delivered two healthy, beautiful girls who-I am grateful to say-are still beautiful and every bit the annoying, whiny teenagers they should be.

Four years after the girls were born, I was blessed again to be pregnant, this time with only one baby. For the first few months, everybody was healthy and happy and taking it for granted that it should be that way. The euphoria came to a crashing halt at a routine sonogram when it was discovered the baby had a hole in his heart. Genetic testing was ordered, an amnio was scheduled, appointments with a pediatric cardiologist were made. Again, I was counseled on my "choices." My mind spun back to when my girls were born. I remembered those parents in the NICU. The looks on their faces betrayed their thoughts and emotions. Many went home knowing their child would be facing a lifetime of challenges; some went home to dismantle a nursery. Suddenly, I was plunged into a darkness so desperate that not a chink of light could penetrate it. What had changed? What switch had been turned off in my heart and mind, interrupting the peace I had so deeply felt?

I had enjoyed four years of perfection. My girls were healthy, developmentally on target and happy. My heart swelled with love at the sight or thought of them. I knew the gift I had been given, and how differently it could have turned out. And now the knowledge of this precious gift fed my insecurity, broke my peace, and disconnected me from the loving God I had known. …

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