Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

The Secret Diary of a Demented Mother Aged 36.5

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

The Secret Diary of a Demented Mother Aged 36.5

Article excerpt

Carys wants to have an Easter egg hunt on Sunday. As I want to go to church in the morning and Raymond's parents have invited us over to their house for the rest of the day I am at a bit of a loss as to how to arrange this. Besides which I have already bought their Easter eggs and was not planning on spending any more money on chocolate. It is the children's misfortune that Easter this year coincides with me feeling huge and having gone off chocolate. I am not telling Raymond this as I am entirely confident that having birthed this baby my old addiction will return so I shall hoard my egg until after the birth. But just at the moment I actually have a mild aversion to the brown stuff. I also have a long standing aversion to turning major religious festivals into an excuse to rip me off for lots of money and make my children's teeth rot. Emma is supposed to be off the chocolate anyway, she had train track braces fitted this week and now has a mouth full of metal. The orthodontist issued us with dire warnings about what happens if you eat sweets and drink fizzy sugary drinks when wearing braces and how difficult it is to clean the teeth well. Emma, who has been entirely stoical during the whole wretched process of wearing a night brace for six months and having four teeth removed, looked like someone had told her the Easter bunny had been shot and turned into rabbit pie. I've compromised by buying her an egg that has more Buffy mug than chocolate in it and I'll brush her teeth myself to appease my guilt. So how to organise this egg hunt? Well if Raymond can find five minutes, well an hour really, to cut the grass in the back garden I could hide the eggs Saturday night and we could do the egg hunt before going to church. I can't hide them indoors otherwise I'll have to stay up until Emma goes to bed which is later than me at the moment. …

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