Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

Diary of an Estate Agent

Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

Diary of an Estate Agent

Article excerpt

Blood is shed on a balcony, a rabbit rejects a house in Maida Vale and a spook-free church gets snapped up


Arranged a tour of houses for a serious buyer, a bubbly, attractive nurse who has inherited a large house from her father. We're selling that and finding a smaller house for her. As usual, she arrived straight from work, still wearing her uniform, and accompanied by her financial adviser, a solemn chap in an immaculate dark suit. The first house was a split-commission deal so we met the other agent, another lively young woman. She swept us through the rooms until we reached the top floor where there was a curiously fixed large glass door that swung outwards and upwards, Velux-style, so you could walk under it onto a balcony. Three of us went out to admire the view.

Finally the financial adviser strode out to join us, but smacked straight into the door handle, now pointing downwards, striking his head with some force. We all froze as blood began to trickle down his face onto his suit.

Then, like a comic-book heroine, our buyer whipped off her coat, revealing her nurse's uniform, and took charge of the casualty. We ran around searching for anything to stem the flow, but the house was empty apart from the carpets. Then my fellow agent rummaged in her handbag and blushingly handed over a panty-liner. Minutes later we continued our tour, the nurse, me, and the bloodstained financial adviser with a panty-liner stuck to his forehead.


Have been instructed on a very cool house in Little Venice. The owner will be spending more time abroad, so needs a secure lock-upandleave apartment. As I had the keys to a penthouse we'd just taken on in Regent's Park, he decided he'd like to see it immediately. He loved it, offered the asking price to the delighted owner, who - now with a firm offer - asked to be shown an unmodernised house we're selling in St John's Wood. …

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