Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

Holiday Time Is Just a Dog Day Afternoon

Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

Holiday Time Is Just a Dog Day Afternoon

Article excerpt

Forgive the somewhat depressive nature of this week's column but the holiday wind-down is well underway and I'm four weeks into a house sharing scheme with Bob the Builder.

Aside from which this job can be a dog's life sometimes.

Heaven knows I try my best to stay out of anorak country. I mean, beyond a few increasingly irrelevant performance figures and a list of comfort zone bits do you really, really - swear on your Labrador's life - want to read a load of torsion bars about struts, monocoque shells and how a bloke in a white coat developed re-circulating balls?

Drag co-efficents? For goodness sake it might as well be something to do with Lily Savage.

Do you realise how tiny a Cd figure needs to be before it makes any meaningful difference to performance? Well the car would be invisible for a start and pretty impractical, being as thin as a Bridlington herring sexer's filleting knife.

Sorry, but within reason I'm not the least bit interested in what goes on in the chief designer's wind tunnel. Unless they sit me next to him at dinner.

Then there's the technical newspeak, which is double ungood.

Until recently a car's power was expressed by the number of paranoid horses needed to pull it to a given number of revs, and torque was in good old English pounds and ounces.

Then came ps, as in 109ps. Hey? "The Mitsubishi Kiki Dee Shangrila with 109 boasts class leading personal services...." and lately something called Newton meters, which for all I know is a clock that measures the velocity of apples.

Imagine then, my displeasure at being harangued beneath my favourite pub table by a man smoking a pipe who said I had told him nothing about the Audi A8. I'm sorry?

It clearly demonstrates my reader awareness that someone who thinks it socially acceptable to set fire to what smelled like shredded underwear in a hollowed out piece of hedgerow should be worthy of a reply longer than two words. But here goes...

The Audi A8 is notable for its space frame construction of extruded aluminium sections connected to each other. It is therefore half the weight of comparable cars. It weighs 1,780kg, has a Cd figure of 0. …

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