Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

I've Discovered My Baby Is a Chick Magnet

Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

I've Discovered My Baby Is a Chick Magnet

Article excerpt


IT'S about time I came clean. I may complain occasionally, but the truth is I get quite a lot of pleasure from spending time with my baby daughter. Six months ago, if someone had told me how much fun it would be, I never would have believed them. When you see fathers wrestling with baby seats in the back of station wagons, or walking round in a sleep-deprived daze, it looks like absolute misery. Strangely, though, when faced with a choice between playing with Sasha and watching television, I choose the former about 50 per cent of the time.

It's a bit like having a really cool pet. Imagine an exceptionally intelligent species of monkey, multiply it by a thousand, and you have some idea of just how entertaining a baby can be. The tricks you can teach them are endless.

Sasha's latest party turn is the ability to roll over on her play mat - not bad for eight weeks. At this rate, she'll be crawling by Christmas and I intend to construct a giant rat run in my sitting room and invite all the neighbours to pit their little nippers against mine. First one to the teddy bear earns its dad [pounds sterling]50. What better present could Santa leave under the tree?

Baby Scalectrix!

Here's another use for them: chick magnets. I used to think that men with newborns strapped to their stomachs looked unattractive, as if they were encumbered with huge great beer bellies. In fact, women find men with babies extremely sexy. You only have to pick one up and you're instantly transformed into a sex god. It's the equivalent of having a six-pack.

I discovered this when my wife took a magic photo of me shortly after she gave birth. Every woman who saw this photograph gasped in astonishment and announced that I looked more attractive in it than I'd ever done before. I studied it for hours, desperately trying to work out what it was about my appearance that was so different. …

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