Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Oi Ref!

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Oi Ref!

Article excerpt

Happen to think it'll be odd year - The New Year is barely 13 days old and already we've seen footballing feats even more unexpected than Igor Biscan starting every game for Liverpool.

Boro are banging in goals again - two in one match, believe it or not - and United's Kieron Dyer's been scoring too. Only for once it's ON the field.

Bruno Cheyrou was another goalden boy in Liverpool's win over Chelsea.

But even more staggering than the fact he netted was the fact he left Five Live's Alan Green gobsmacked in the process - something that doesn't happen too often!

Titus Bramble went 20 minutes without dropping a clanger and Alan Hansen went 15 minutes on TV without dropping the "unbelievable" word.

And Aston Villa - yes, that's Aston Villa - stormed to the heady heights of seventh place in the Premiership.

Makes you wonder what else could amazingly happen - and after gazing into our crystal ball we at Oi Ref reckon it could be the following . . .

RIO FERDINAND decides to enrol on a sports management course at Manchester University. But he's forced to drop out after forgetting to turn up for the exams.

HARRY KEWELL announces he's quitting football for swimming - by setting up a diving school in his native Australia.

DUNCAN FERGUSON will stay fit for the whole year, win the BBC's Superstars 2004 and become Wayne Rooney's minder.

MICHAEL OWEN will back the victor of April's Grand National - the only win he'll have in Liverpool this year!

KEVIN KEEGAN quits Manchester City after seeing his side go 43 games without a win and Eyal Berkovic loves it, just loves it, so much he goes clubbing with Robbie Fowler and Steve McManaman to celebrate.

DAVID PLEAT lands a summer job with Channel Four. He'll address the recruits to the second series of Shattered - but fail to keep any of them awake . . .

Sky's SOCCER SATURDAY PUNDITS will start to look so old their water will be replaced by cocoa and their show sponsored by Saga Holidays.

Sunderland chairman BOB MURRAY gets hopelessly drunk at a party to celebrate getting 45p for PHIL BABB and Newcastle's players buy chairman FREDDY SHEPHERD a Rolls Royce for his birthday.

KEVIN PHILLIPS finally scores at Southampton - and the Daily Mirror reveals in a world exclusive which nightclub he was in.

GORDON STRACHAN honours his pledge to get as far away from football as possible - he buys a season ticket at neighbouring Portsmouth.

MARK VIDUKA goes to Man Yoo - and falls out with Sir Alex Ferguson. And then joins Blackburn. And falls out with Graeme Souness. And finally joins Bolton. And falls out with Sam Allardyce.

Radio Five Live renew PETER SCHMEICHEL'S contract as a football summariser - but only after the Dane agrees to sum up an incident in one sentence and not 48! …

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