Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

Sports Extra

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

Sports Extra

Article excerpt

2 cents

Dream Team? Ha! Whose dream is this?

The first edition, now that was one heck of a fantasy. Michael, Magic and Larry. That was like drifting off to sleep and being visited by Heidi Klum, Halle Berry and Britney Spears. This group? It's like curling up with your teddy bear only to find the 1980 East German women's swim team lounging by the pool and the cast of the Golden Girls offering up peeled grapes and suggestive glances.

Of course, the way these guys have been playing, the East Germans would have put up more of a fight against Italy. They would have at least had better facial hair than Tim Duncan.


An eXample of an athlete

The X-Games start this week, which usually starts a debate about whether or not Tony Hawk and Dave Mirra are athletes. An events primer:

Moto-X: Guys trying to complete backflips 30 feet off the ground while using their upper body to pull a 200-pound dirt bike with them. It's harder than a gymnast attempting a double backflip. There's no chance the pommel horse will fall on them.

Surfing: Riding waves that produce enough energy to light an apartment building and dealing with sharks is harder than going over the middle in the NFL. Donovin Darius doesn't bite.

Skateboard big-air: Rolling down a big hill to fly over a street, while spinning around on a two-feet piece of wood with little plastic wheels. It's harder than diving for a fly ball in centerfield. Grass doesn't leave road rash.

Aggressive in-line vert: When a skater slides down a 20-foot metal rail. It's harder than scoring on Patrick Roy. At least he has protective gear.

Strange NFL days

What in the name of John McKay is going on in the NFL?

January: Only Dan Marino's arm release was faster than his resignation.

February: See Jamal Lewis. See Jamal run to court. See Jamal sit on Sundays.

March: Terrell Owens says no to crabcakes, yes to cheesesteaks.

April: Judge says Maurice Clarett and Mike Williams are in the NFL Draft. Bigger gavel says no. …

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