Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Confessions

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Confessions

Article excerpt

Byline: By Lisa Marshall

Monday

When I arrive at work, I'm deafened by a roaring engine pulling up behind. It's Vicki, and Aaron has given her a lift in on his motorbike. She looks cool. Now motorbikes do scare me a little but the clobber is very rock chick. Vicki gets into the office and starts removing her gear, (just the leathers, not the Full Monty), and I decide I must have a go. I put on her jacket which is a little bit too big for me and it immediately makes me feel like I'm dressing up in my mother's clothes. The boots she has are gorgeous and I would probably wear them daily with my jeans. But, (even though she is the same size as me), I refrain from trying them on. The shoes that I'm wearing today do not complement the natural aroma of my feet and to actually remove said items from my footwear could possibly harm the ozone layer and cause actual shortness of breath among my colleagues. In other words, they're honking.

I decide the helmet is a better option. I try to winch it down over my lugs. Now the fact that I can't seem to squeeze it on to my barnet should have been enough warning and deterred me from pursuing the matter any further. But no. It just gets my back up and I'm so determined to prove that I haven't got a big head that I start to push even harder. I eventually get it on and start to rev around the office on my invisible motorbike. No-one is even remotely interested, (they're used to my behaviour as the office clown), and they carry on with their daily duties. I, however, find it highly amusing and I'm giggling through the perspex visor of the helmet. It starts to steam up and cloud my vision and I decide that I should remove it before I become a little claustrophobic. And that's when I realise that it ain't going anywhere in a hurry. It's stuck. I start to scream very loudly at Vicki while wrenching the helmet in every direction and doing some kind of tribal dance around the room. It's at this point that my colleagues become quite interested in my antics and find it side-splittingly funny to see me so traumatised. Yes, how very humorous for you all. …

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