Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Confessions of Lisa Marshall

Newspaper article Evening Chronicle (Newcastle, England)

Confessions of Lisa Marshall

Article excerpt

Last Friday

I'm enjoying a lovely night's sleep when the cat decides to do the wall of death around the bedroom to announce Chris's arrival home. She gets slightly overexcited at times. Chris had been to our local for "a couple". Judging from the amount of time it took to get the key turned in the lock, he is slightly the worse for wear.

By the time he manages to undress himself and slur some words in my ear, the cat has settled. I'm almost asleep and I really don't want to let on that I'm not. If I do, I'll only become engrossed in tonight's gossip, become wide awake, and finally realise I'm talking to myself when I hear the rasping snores beside me.

About an hour into slumberland, I feel Chris emerge from the bedclothes. He is sitting on the edge of the bed, building up his energy to visit the bathroom. On his return, he motions for me to move along to the other side of the bed. Bizarre, considering he likes to be on his own side, as do I. When I decline his kind offer he appears huffed and shuffles around to his side of the bed while waffling something I can't quite make out. When I ask, he repeats it for me. "I'll have to log that in the tilopagy," he says. When I ask what a tilopagy is, he says it's a computer then promptly falls asleep.

Baffled, I concentrate on getting back to sleep. Two hours later, I'm still wide awake and restraining myself from looking at the clock.

The cat decides to jump on my chest and talk to me in her own little language, Chris is sleeping like a baby next to me, and the cock-a-doodle-doos in our neighbours' yard begin their dawn chorus. Bleedin' nora, it's like living on Old MacDonald's farm.

I must have dropped off at some point. I wake up feeling I've got a raging hangover, yet was in bed stone-cold sober by 10pm! I even missed the crucial bit of Big Brother because I was so tired. …

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