Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

The Revival of Van Halen: You Read It Here First

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

The Revival of Van Halen: You Read It Here First

Article excerpt

Byline: Jeff Vrabel

ROCKSTAR: VAN HALEN

1X01: PILOT

ORIGINAL AIR DATE: Feb. 10, 2006

TRANSCRIBED FROM CBS

[FADE IN]

DAVE NAVARRO: Hello, this is celebrity author Dave Navarro, and welcome to the second season of Rockstar! Last year, we helped INXS replace their old pouting-Australian-male-model frontman with a slightly younger-pouting-Australian-male-model frontman with what we all hope is a less punchy interest in autoerotic asphyxiation, and in doing so, we reinstated the band's fame for several full days. So this year we're back -- and we'd like to welcome our new band, the shattered remains of Van Halen!

EDDIE VAN HALEN: Thanks, Dave! Your facial hair is stimulating.

EDDIE'S BROTHER: Great to be here, Dave.

THE OTHER GUY: (crazy-eyed, ranting) Waiter! I need a nap!

DAVE NAVARRO: We've got a lot to do, so we might as well jump right into it! Huh, guys?

EDDIE, EDDIE'S BROTHER AND THE OTHER GUY: (agonizing, soul-sucking silence)

DAVE: Right. Let's bring out our first contestant.

[FIRST CONTESTANT, a tall, gruff sort with black leather jacket and raspy baritone, performs a competent You Really Got Me.]

DAVE: Guys?

EDDIE: Not a bad voice, but what's with the black getup? This is rock 'n' roll, man! You don't have anything, like, orange? Or glistening? (extinguishes cigarette on plastic hip)

EDDIE'S BROTHER: Dude, you only have like three octaves. Sorry.

THE OTHER GUY: Bring me sausage! (falls asleep)

[SECOND CONTESTANT, a balding gentleman in uncomfortably telling pink pants and aviator shades, takes the stage for a melodically fragile version of Hot for Teacher.]

DAVE: Fellas?

EDDIE: (suspicious) There's something about this guy . . .

EDDIE'S BROTHER: Dave? Is that you?

THE UNMASKED DAVID LEE ROTH: Hell yeah! Whoooooo! (attempts flying scissor-kick, breaks fibula)

EDDIE: Sorry, Dave. …

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