Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

They've Never Had It So Good

Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

They've Never Had It So Good

Article excerpt

Byline: By Bob Cuffe

The pensions crisis. What are we going to do? Think tanks galore have been set up.

Lord Turner's pension reform programme sets out a series of recommendations. From what I can make out, the essence of the programme is that librarians will retire from their high pressured role at 60, whilst scaffolders will be scaffolding away until they fall to Terra Firma.

What are we to do? Obviously, joining the public sector seems a sensible option. And it would seem this Government wants everyone to do just that. I am bone idle, so that fits the bill.

However, I have a sense of humour, which I'm told is a deal breaker. So, if you can't join them ( hate them.

Everyone knows working for the public sector is a doddle. It's totally stress free. Guaranteed. Flexi working. That means do as much, or as little as you like. And you're allowed to drink alcohol at work. In some departments, it's compulsory.

The red noses make sense now, don't they? The fact that your tax code keeps changing every year. For no apparent reason. And when you ring to enquire, you speak to a Scottish person. He tells you your tax code is incorrect, and you're his best mate. He informs you that if you re-send your details he'll input them into the system, or do you just want to come round for a fight?

Every public sector worker earns at least pounds 50,000, I reckon. Which is why they can afford to be rude to us. Bin men will take bins only if its Feng Shui is correct ( placed in the precise position of their choosing.

The only exception I'd make to my withering observations would be the police. Between you and me, I think they're on to me ( and I reckon I could need a friend or two in the police force. Mind you, living in the south of the region, I'm all for the regional police force. All the bobbies will be in Newcastle, leaving us hoodlums to run riot. …

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