Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

The Beauty of Grey

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

The Beauty of Grey

Article excerpt


Barring some sort of comprehensive, Chicago Cubs-worthy implosion last night (sorry, we have to put out these newspapers in advance, you know) silver-haired Joe Cocker apologist Taylor Hicks remains the easy choice to be this year's American Idol. In honor of what should be Taylor's win tonight (if I have to endure a full year of Katharine McPhee, I'm coming for all you voters personally, and thanks to the NSA it's not that hard to figure out who you are), here is a brief look at what gray has done for us lately:


Occupation: Wizard.

History: According to the online resource The Thain's Book, An Encyclopedia of Middle-Earth in the Third Age: "Among Men Olorin became known as Gandalf the Grey and the Elves called him Mithrandir, the Grey Pilgrim. He wandered far and . . ." Oh, God, this is insufferable. He was just a wizard. He did spells. There you go.

Grayness: Dons gray robe in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, before converting to much snappier white for the two sequels.


Occupation: Author, rescuer of relationships

History: Wrote and published Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, which is about relationships or something, I don't know, I haven't read it BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE DAMN GAME.

Greyness: Used mainly to describe state of male emotions


Occupation: Evil genius.

History: The details of his life are quite inconsequential. His father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. Mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. Father would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. Attended evil medical school at 18. Took up tap dancing at 25.

Grayness: Frequently dons gray jumpsuits. …

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