Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

A.M.Stir

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

A.M.Stir

Article excerpt

RISE AND WHINE

PLEASE! MAKE IT STOP!

Want to make your brain explode? Try listening to the Radio Disney for more than two minutes. It's bad enough that the station, aimed at kids, has a playlist of about a dozen songs. But what causes my ears to bleed is the outrageously lame remakes that Disney cranks out. It's a pretty simple formula: Take a song people know, add a drum machine and a kid from one of the Disney Channel shows and, voila!, instant hit. Here are some of the most egregious examples.

Real Wild Child, Everlife (originally by Iggy Pop)

Do You Believe in Magic? Aly and AJ (Lovin' Spoonful)

Can't Help Falling in Love, A*Teens (Elvis Presley)

Our Lips Are Sealed, Hilary and Haylie Duff (Go-Gos)

Superstition, Raven (Stevie Wonder)

The Tide is High, Atomic Kitten (Blondie)

Kids in America, No Secrets (Kim Wilde)

God Bless the USA, Jump 5 (Lee Greenwood)

Dancing in the Street, Myra (Martha and the Vandellas)

Material Girl, Hilary Duff (Madonna)

FLORIDA

SOARIN' TO NOWHERE

Speaking of The Mouse, is it asking too much for Disney to keep its rides, like, working? On a recent trip to Epcot, my daughter and I were stuck on the malfunctioning Soarin' ride for more than 30 minutes while workers tried to get the infernal thing working again. After finally lowering us to the ground (why they didn't do that in the first place is anybody's guess), they "compensated" us with a FastPass to come back and ride Soarin' again later in the day.

Thanks, but no thanks, Mickey. It was cool while it worked, but if a dog bites you, you don't pet it again right away, now do you?

POP(SICLE) CULTURE

FROZEN HEROES

A tree frog found frozen in an Australian walk-in freezer came to life when it thawed out earlier this month, according to a report on www.news.com.au. Hence our list of Frozen/Thawed/Revived All-stars.

1. Captain America. True Marvel Comics fans know all about the star-spangled hero who was apparently killed during a World War II battle, only to be found decades later, frozen solid in the Arctic Ocean.

2. Link. Brendan Fraser was a caveman thawed out by two high school dudes (Sean Astin and Pauly Shore) in the lovably dumb 1992 comedy Encino Man. …

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