Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

A.M.Stir

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

A.M.Stir

Article excerpt

ROCK AND ROLL

MONEY FOR NOTHING

Long, long ago, when ZZ Top was putting out hit albums every year and imploring fans to go get themselves some cheap sunglasses, I saw the band for $8.50. Six years and three Top 10 albums later, I saw them again, for $15, which seemed outrageous at the time.

Next month, decades removed from its last hit record, the band plays the Florida Theatre - for a hundred bucks a ticket.

Just seven years ago, I saw The Steve Miller Band at a fair. I think the show was free with $8 fair admission. Later this spring, Miller plays Jacksonville - top tickets are $95.

And now comes news that Ozzy Osbourne is returning to the road this summer with a dozen or so hot metal bands for his annual Ozzfest show. Guess how much tickets are?

They're free.

Way to go, Prince of Darkness!

THE MEDIA

HOW DID WE MISS THESE STORIES?

Once again, we've been scooped by the crack reporters at the Weekly World News, who beat us on the following stories:

oBigfoot tracks indicate salsa lessons?o

oZambonis deployed to dwindling polar ice capo

oHealth food stores particularly vulnerable to alien attacko

RISE AND WHINE

MORE SCANDALS, MAN

I don't know about you, but I'm getting mighty tired of hearing about Britney and Lindsay and Tara and Paris and poor Anna Nicole and their bouts with broken hearts, shaved heads, missing underwear and mind-altering substances.

Not that I'm against celebrity scandal-mongering, mind you. It's just that the ladies seem to hog all the ink. Whatever happened to the good ol' days of Billy Bob Thornton wearing a vial of blood around his neck or Hugh Grant soliciting hookers? Surely Bruce Willis is doing something worthy of mention on Entertainment Tonight. Maybe Clay Aiken can punch a photographer or Tom Cruise can do a tabletop striptease or something. C'mon guys, you're not pulling your weight; we're counting on you! …

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