Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

There, I Made You Look

Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

There, I Made You Look

Article excerpt

Byline: By Judith Holder

The trouble with being invisible is that if you're not careful, or you're not physically restrained by someone else, you can make the mistake of buying attention seeking clothes to try to combat your invisibility.

In an attempt to make the world realise that you are still fabulously-fun-to-be-with , but with a hint of quiet maturity, sophistication and experience, you buy something completely unsuitable.

You buy a handbag or a hat or a scarf that is loud, garish, bright green or just plain too young for you.

Attention seeking yes, good no.

There should be a ban on selling these items to middle aged women like me ( Topshop or Monsoon should simply refuse to sell such items to us -- even if you plead or pretend it is for a friend.

They should simply confiscate your canary yellow hipster belt or flouncy purple scarf or the bright green skinny leg trousers that you've managed to squeeze into.

It would be for our own good.

Alas shop assistants are under no such obligation.

Worse they put it in the bag and humour you while they take your money. Then probably snigger when you go jauntily out of the shop swinging the bag.

Unfortunately age limits on these purchases do not exist at present, hence my most recent ghastly attention seeking mistake.

I bought a pair of bright pink patent pointy shoes and to say that they're attention seeking is an understatement, people walk past me with their eyes locked on them unable to look at anything else, they're so bright they could probably be seen by police helicopters, in fact in an emergency they would be handy.

I could use them to wave the emergency services into position, or if I was ever stranded on a desert island. I could place them on the highest point for passing aircraft to spot.

Attention seeking yes, attractive, er, not really.

People do look, yes, and when they do I feel like shouting triumphantly "Made You Look".

Alas they are looking, I believe, in pity that someone in their late forties could be as eccentric, as mad and completely stupid as to wear such shoes. …

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