Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

Hey! How Did It Get So Cold Here?

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

Hey! How Did It Get So Cold Here?

Article excerpt

Byline: Terry Dickson

I woke up Sunday morning and started looking for a receipt.

We bought ourselves a faulty calendar around Christmas. I was going to demand our money back. It was in the 30s outside and the calendar said it was April 8. That couldn't be right.

The defective calendar wasn't the only problem. I also believed the TV weather forecasters who said it wouldn't get all that cold on the islands. Not cold? I'm down to three live tomato plants, and my zucchini, beans and peas have black leaves, all victims of frostbite. Everyone else in the garden came out fine, but my garden looks like a Roundup demonstration plot.

We knew it was going to be a cold Easter. Vonette went to the mall Saturday looking for something to wear to a wedding. She already had a couple of nice spring dresses, but she needed something warm. The mall was packed with women returning their Easter finery.

I imagine it's hard to find wool dresses in pastel shades of pink and lavender. Open-toed shoes and patent leather sandals were all coming back. Just where do you shop for fur-lined Easter boots?

All we men had to do was wear our heavy dark suit instead of our summer weight. Because it was a formal wedding, I wondered if I should wear black longjohns.

When we got to the reception, they had punch and some nice sweet iced tea. I wanted a cup of steaming hot chocolate.

Sometime over the weekend, I was watching a baseball game being played in snow flurries. The boys of summer had snow swirling around them.

This is not right. There should be some rule if it starts snowing, we have an emergency reopening of football season. It's more fun anyway to see drunk guys in 12-degree weather wearing body paint and screaming their lungs out. If someone takes his shirt off at a baseball game, it's no big deal. …

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