Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

A.M. Stir

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

A.M. Stir

Article excerpt

Byline: JEFF BRUMLEY

YIPPIEEEE!

SCHOOL'S OUT WHICH MEANS . . .

. . . It means the rest of us won't have to drive behind those annoying school buses for the next two or three months. It means we won't have to slow down to 20 mph in school zones (who does that anyway? In reality, who slows below 50 mph in those zones anyway?). And it means no more wannabe dictator crossing guards giving you those nasty looks as you fly by. Of course, it means more tweens and teens unleashing their hormones in our malls and on our beaches, but who cares? That's fun to watch, anyway, in a National Geographic/Animal Kingdom sort of way.

DEDICATED DUDE

STIR-ER ADMIRES GUY AT GYM FOR HIS SHOES

I just wanna say "hats off!" to the really dedicated dude at the gym the other day. There he was, doing bench presses and other assorted chest exercises, sweating like crazy, gettin' pumped and stuff.

But most impressive were his shoes - with his tank top and gym shorts and tube socks (with green stripes) he was wearing brown leather wingtips. Dress shoes. They looked new and expensive. He must have gotten to the gym and realized he'd forgotten to pack his cross trainers.

I've done it a hundred times and always use it as an excuse to bail on the gym. But not this guy. The show must go on, he said. Next time that's what I'm gonna do.

'TAP PRANCER'

CO-WORKER WON'T DRINK TAP WATER

So my co-worker, who I'll only identify by his initials, which are David Crumpler, tells me recently he doesn't drink tap water. He said he won't drink booze if it has tap-water ice cubes in it. "It's yucky," he said, "plus it doesn't taste very much like wine."

Everyone in the whole office started laughing and pointing at him when they heard this. Then he started crying. But I didn't laugh. Instead I pulled him aside and explained that the bacteria in tap water is what makes us immune to lots of diseases. …

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