Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

A.M. Stir

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

A.M. Stir

Article excerpt

Byline: TOM SZAROLETA

CAREERS

HELPFUL TIPS FOR LEADING A DISHONEST LIFE

Times are hard out there, and we here at A.M. Stir are here to help. Properly inflating your tires, eating generic peanut butter and clipping coupons will only carry you so far, so here are some tips for making a few extra bucks, if little things like laws and ethics aren't an issue for you.

-- Counterfeiting: Top-notch color copiers cost a fortune. But you can always run a few fivers through the office copy machine, then color them in yourself. Try Crayola "Forest Green." No one will ever notice.

-- Identity theft: Go to a bank and tell them you're a rich guy, say Bill Gates or Jared the Subway Guy, and you need to borrow a couple of bucks. If they ask for ID, tell them you left it in your other pants.

-- Copper: All of the good gutters and wiring have already been stripped from the abandoned houses in your neighborhood? No problem. Melt down all those pennies you have lying around. So do the math: There are about 181 pennies in a pound and copper's fetching about $2.65 a pound these days. What's that, you say? Pennies are 99.2 percent zinc and less than 1 percent copper? Oh, never mind.

MUSIC

MONEY FOR NOTHING

OK, so maybe the whole criminal thing isn't such a good idea. Here are a few classic rock tunes to take your mind off the economy (and most of them are just 99 cents on iTunes!).

-- Low Budget, The Kinks: "At least my hair is all mine, my teeth are my own, but everything else is on permanent loan."

-- Wall Street Shuffle, 10cc: "You've gotta be cool on Wall Street when your index is low. Dow-Jones ain't got time for the bums."

-- Black Friday, Steely Dan: "When Black Friday comes, I'll stand down by the door and catch the great men when they dive from the 14th floor."

-- Free Money, Patti Smith: "Every night before I rest my head, see those dollar bills go swirling 'round my bed. …

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