Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

When Santa Needed a Good Lawyer; Commercial Feature in Association with Endeavour Partnership

Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

When Santa Needed a Good Lawyer; Commercial Feature in Association with Endeavour Partnership

Article excerpt

THERE was something of a crisis at the North Pole.

At the Claus Packing Building the floors were becoming damp and increasingly transparent.

The landlord had already pointed out this lack of attention to the structure of the building and the elves were complaining of having to work in such unhealthy conditions. Toys ordered well in advance failed to materialise as the suppliers tried to escape the demands of the contract.

In an unfortunate misunderstanding, a team of semi-literate huskies had urinated on a stack of new Nintendo game machines; rendering them insanitary and unfit for purpose.

Father Christmas stood outside the building, sweating in the unseasonable sunshine and talking to his bank representative, Gudluv Gudlofson, who was coolly dressed, in what looked like running gear.

"So what are you trying to say? You've lost all my money and want to call off that loan you promised me last year? Your whole country is going down the tubes! What about my business? What about the little children?"

Certain uncouth suggestions were uttered.

"Well that is so not an acceptable response, on very many levels. I shall have to speak to your boss."

More unhelpfulness.

"If your boss has resigned, (as I believe you intended to say), there must be someone in charge apart from you?"

An indication of disagreement with this view was made, followed by an ultimatum.

It was an anxious old man who hurried around to his lawyers' office, C O'Late Feuergard and Co. They appeared to be eager to help, but only on payment of a substantial retainer up front.

"But I've just told you. I have no money now.

Nothing to pay for toys or wages or rent. Yes, thank you for that young man; I realise it is not your problem unless you are paid. No chance of no win-no fee? No, I see, perhaps not. …

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