Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Sunday (Maroochydore, Australia)

Tom and Jan Spoiled a Perfect Record

Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Sunday (Maroochydore, Australia)

Tom and Jan Spoiled a Perfect Record

Article excerpt

SO, this is it then.

My final column for 2008.

My big chance to end the year in style.

To go out with a bang.

I know you're all sitting there in your best Sunday morning undies with your spoons poised over your bowls of cereal, waiting for me to say something deep and meaningful ... something that will put the past 12 months into perspective and give you new hope for the year ahead.

But I've got nothin'.

Nada ... zip ... zilch.

And let's be honest, it's really not my job to inspire you, is it?

If you need me to give your life some meaning, then you've got problems that require professional help.

Oh, I know I have to do something special to bring 2008 to a close but I'm having trouble getting inspired.

I did consider revisiting some of my favourite columns for the year and rehashing them under the guise of looking back on 2008.

But I knew that some of my more intelligent readers (an oxymoron if I ever heard one) would recognise it for what it was - a cynical and thinly-veiled attempt to get through to the end of year with a minimum of effort.

And imagine the furore if I started playing favourites with my columns!

What if I said that I believed week two of April 2008 was one of my most insightful tomes?

Suddenly you'd all start bombarding me with your personal opinions, wouldn't you?

"Dear Damian, I thought your comments on world peace in week four of August helped change the course of history. You are a true humanitarian.

"Mr Bathersby, how can you overlook your sterling efforts in February week one? You are too modest for someone so truly inspirational.

"Oh holy one, after reading your offering of week three in October, I realised that I am truly not worthy of having you wipe your feet on my underpants. You are indeed the messiah."

I don't read all my mail but I'm sure there's more like that.

Then I had an inspiration.

Surely the best way I can bring 2008 to a close is look back on the year and see how I performed in the New Year's resolution stakes. …

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