Newspaper article The Northern Star (Lismore, Australia)

Winners Can Take It All

Newspaper article The Northern Star (Lismore, Australia)

Winners Can Take It All

Article excerpt

Byline: DAVE'S RAVE dave arthur

IT'S that time of the year when everybody gives awards for the best and worst of the year just passed. Never one to buck a trend here are the On the Couch winners for 2008.

Indian-Giver Award

Russell Crowe. First Peter Holmes a Court loses interest, then Scrooge Crowe decides pouring his latest movie millions into a footy club isn't as glamorous as he perhaps once thought. Bah humbug! What price George Piggins, currently sitting on his veranda wrapping pressies riding in on a white charger some time in 2009?

Anthony Mundine Award for Global Self Promotion

Kevin Rudd. Desperate to be seen as a regal statesman Rudd has donned only a single tracksuit all year on his forays to the gym. That of the Socceroos. How else can you explain his (well, ours actually) continual bankrolling of all things kiss-ball?! The W-League cost a cool $16 million and this was followed by $46 million big ones for a doomed bid to stage the FIFA World Cup in 2018. All in the name of statesmanship.

Fraud of the Year (Fashion Division)

The LZR Racer swimsuit. As worn by countless world record holders, scarcely before has a simple innovation had such a profound effect on a sport with over 100 records obliterated this year alone. Swimmers with barely enough talent to splash a length of a pool (i.e. Poms) now routinely smash world records wearing full body condoms. Why not legalise drugs in sport, allow motorbike engines at the velodrome and put escalators on Everest.

Fraud of the Year (Sport Marketing Division)

Firepower. Pulled the wool over the eyes of governments, ASIC, formerly rational human beings and financially challenged sport administrators. Tim Johnston's largesse was ploughed into lucrative sponsorship and ownership deals the like of which hadn't been seen in Australia. His business unravelled quickly - as are the third party payments to some of our biggest sporting stars and teams.

Shrug my Shoulders Award for Most Baffling Rules

With three different sets of law interpretations operating at one time during this season, rugby union wins this one in a canter to the line. …

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