Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

T-U 2

Newspaper article The Florida Times Union

T-U 2

Article excerpt

HAYS' HEADLINES

With inspiration from the satirical Web site theonion.com, here are the top sports stories that just missed the paper this week. These are Hays' headlines.

- Urban Meyer consults Charlie Weis about how to keep weight on during season

- NFL denies reports that David Garrard wasn't its first choice to play in Pro Bowl

- Jeff Gordon questionable for Daytona 500 with pedal toe

- Local bookie says Super Bowl betting off to a hot start

- New Gallup poll shows Lane Kiffin's approval rating an abhorrent 1.1 percent

- ESPN's Ed Werder to be embedded in Brett Favre's basement during offseason

- Mark Brunell's perfect hold in OT carries Saints to Super Bowl

- UF players try to convince Chandler Parsons to drop self-proclaimed nickname "Buzzer Baron"

- Ghost of Barbaro appears, neighs that New Jersey Nets should be put down

- NFL to allow Saints defense to wear Gators uniforms vs. Colts

HAYS' MOVIE REPORT

Today, we honor one of our finest actors, George Clooney, in light of his unselfish acts to help Haiti. The likable Clooney has made several fine films, including the football-themed "Leatherheads," which I have never seen.

Here are a few movies we wish would have been made.

- "The Men Who Stare at Goats" - In this offbeat comedy, Clooney plays a member of a special Army unit that spends its time glaring at the Minnesota Vikings' skill players.

- "Burn After Reading" - In this spy farce, Clooney gives a stunning portrayal of recruiting guru Ed Orgeron, who tries to lure Tennessee's early enrolled recruits to Southern California without being caught by the NCAA.

- "Ocean's 13" - This caper focuses on the juggling act Tiger Woods had going with all of his mistresses, with Don Cheadle playing the Woods-based lead role of Danny Ocean. …

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