Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

Watch Out-The Wags Are in the Kitchen; on Television

Newspaper article The Evening Standard (London, England)

Watch Out-The Wags Are in the Kitchen; on Television

Article excerpt

COME DINE WITH ME: WAGS SPECIAL C4, Wednesday COME DINE WITH ME: FOOTBALLERS SPECIAL C4, Thursday SOME die-hards still think that footballers have no further claim on our attention once they're off the pitch and out of the sports pages. These two Come Dine With Me specials proved these meanies absolutely right. They were not so much a warm-up to the World Cup as barely legal aversion therapy to the game altogether.

The Wags were funny, at least. Former page three girl and Big Brother contestant Nicola T, the girlfriend of Simon Walton of Crewe Alexandra -- not one of the really big teams, I suspect? -- proved superbly scatty. "Some reason I always end up talking about willies, and I don't mean to, it always comes up," she blurted helplessly. Later, after a kitchen mishap, she said simply: "Something's happened on my bottom." True in the very broadest sense, I imagine.

None of these Wags could cook for toffee. Jude, wife of French international Djibril Cisse, ended up serving Angel Delight with "exotic fruit", while pretending it was a French speciality, Delice des Anges. "It sounds a bit like syphilis," she herself admitted, which it did in the pronunciation she had just learned off her old man down the phone. She added for good measure that the inside of a passionfruit looked "a bit like snot". "Aw, minging, it looks really gross," Nicola concurred, later pronouncing the whole pudding "pretty mank".

Chantelle, the Scouse fiancee of Emile Heskey, very fairly warned her guests that it was the first time she had ever boiled potatoes, so that they might be a bit hard. Jessica, blonde squeeze of Manchester City's Stephen Ireland, was seen enthusiastically tipping an expensive liqueur over some raspberries, which were unfortunately still in a punnet with holes in the bottom, so it all ran out over the kitchen counter straightaway. "That was stupid, wasn't it?" she asked. She was getting there but she still had to ask.

Jessica's blingy house attracted some jealous opprobrium. "This is a boudoir! No way! Spoilt little cow!" But she was just one of the girls, she maintained, nothing out of the ordinary. …

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