Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

A Picture Worth Losing Weight For

Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

A Picture Worth Losing Weight For

Article excerpt


TIGHTEN your belts. That will be the message from our Chancellor tomorrow. After decades of overindulgence, we've all got to pull them in by a couple of notches.

Well, I've got news for you, Mr Osborne. I've tried, oh how I've tried, and I simply can't get mine any tighter. Not without asphyxiation. You see, I've so overconsumed during the last 20 years, I'm now plain obese.

It came to a head in Los Angeles. There I was, optimistically pitching a show for young people to the relentlessly trendy MTV, when it came to me that I wasn't convincing anyone in my black shirt and Ferragamo loafers. To these bright young things, I could only have looked like an old, grey, fatty.

To make it worse, my mother-in-law has published pictures of me and Izzy on Facebook. I used to be embarrassed by my own father, who was also a considerably overweight man in his fifties. Last week, I found a picture of him proudly holding me when I was 18-months-old. I was appalled to see that he undoubtedly weighed less than my current 15 stone 5 lbs.

So, I've resorted to drastic measures. Woman's Hour has offered me a solution. The other day they featured a Frenchman called Pierre Dukan who has a revolutionary weight loss programme claiming 1.5 million devotees, including Gisele Bndchen and Jennifer Lopez. Apparently, they're all enjoying the ultimate dream: eating whatever they like in a permanent state of slimness. Dukan's diet offers permanent weight loss despite consuming limitless amounts of proper food.

You start off with a few days of eating only protein, then add in some vegetables for a month or two and, bingo, belts tightened forever. In fact, you have to buy a new, smaller belt, because you'll never need the big one again.

Normally I'd pass this off as another fad, but the BBC, in their unrelenting quest for balance, felt they couldn't just give Dukan a free puff and paired him against a killjoy from the British Dietetic Association. …

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