Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

Even Swearing Is Sexy in French

Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

Even Swearing Is Sexy in French

Article excerpt

MY baby grand-daughter said her first French word last week, which is pretty remarkable seeing as she's an Australian baby living in Tewantin.

She's 20 months old and saying quite a lot of words already. Her favourite, as it is with all toddlers, "no".

I want my grand-daughter to excel in everything she does and to be fluent in French. Obviously, the best way for this to happen is for her to learn that sexy language from this tender baby age.

The fact that no one around her speaks French is proving a bit of a handicap.

So in pursuit of imparting my learned wisdom on to this precious grandchild, I've been learning French myself.

The idea was that I would speak only French to her when she is in my care, so she would pick it up automatically and become bilingual before she could even say bilingual.

But my French has not improved beyond "bonjour", "merci" and "c'est bon", although I am quite familiar with the expression "trou de cul", which I believe has a literal meaning of "hole in the bottom". (I'll leave it up to you to work out its more vernacular implication.)

I have heard French people use this vulgar expression and make it sound glorious with their luscious accent. Pronounced "true de ku", it's very insulting and I apologise profusely to all you French people for using it within the borders of this normally refined column, but sometimes you just have to let your inner vulgarity have its way.

All curse words sound gorgeous in French.

If you learn just a few and get their pronunciations right, they will sound sexy and pleasing and you can use them as disgusting insults cunningly disguised as obsequious flattery.

"My, I've always known your actions made you a great example of a prime Cytrou de cu' in the community," you can say to your deadly foes. Deadly foes, by their very nature, are always smug superior types who would never admit to not knowing a French expression, so they will just smile broadly and thank you for the compliment. …

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