Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

Abroad or Staycation?

Newspaper article The Journal (Newcastle, England)

Abroad or Staycation?

Article excerpt


AND as the cold summer nights end, and the cold autumn nights engulf us, .extinguishing all hope, it's important we keep our peckers up. Not easy when all the hope has been extinguished. And then kicked. And jumped upon.

I think the best thing is to look forward. To next summer. When the sun is shining. When it's holiday time again. The Cuffes are engaged in a Staycation versus Abroad discussion.

I want to avoid aeroplanes, airports and everyone who works in, and around, said theatres of hostile miser y. If I want to be shouted at I may as well stay at home. And I don't have to turn up three hours early for the privilege. I have shouting on demand at home. Hostility on tap.

Cemento's view is that it always rains in Britain, and the last decent spell of weather we had was in 1976.

I'm voting rain. I don't want to go to an airport again. I'd rather go to Toys R Us. That's how bad it is. At least there the staff ignore you. In an airport they beast you.

I'm voting Staycation - and I'm not alone. Dikka confirms staycations are the things these days. What we kids used to call proper holidays. Seaton Carew was a staycation.

South Shields was a trip into the unknown. The Twilight Zone. Still is, in fact. The missus and me like to cruise Northumbria. There's some nice places in Northumbria. I won't tell you where they are because you'll all want to come. And some of you won't fit. No offence meant. There's other places, like Seahouses or Berwick.

Seahouses is where people from Ashington and Stanley go. At Seahouses, people without tattoos are openly laughed at in the street. Every one of the four dozen chip shops has extra wide doors so people can get in and out without taking the skin off their hips. Berwick is where those who can't get into Seahouses go.Famous for its walls, which were built to keep the locals in. Stop them from roaming the fields and frightening the sheep. We looked for Quasimodo at Berwick because the sight of a one-eyed hunchback would have raised the beauty quotient. We think the proximity to Scotland has a lot to do with it.

So, I speak from a position of confirmed authority. Staycations are the thing, but it would seem that Northumbria is to be avoided. We've done the Lakes lots of times, so how about Cornwall or Devon? I've asked around - as an investigative journalist should - and had it confirmed that "they're queer folk" It's also miles away. Not an ideal mix.

Travel a long distance to meet queer folk. Why would I do that with Northumbria on my doorstep? I wondered about Norfolk, but I've seen the Wicker Man, so that's a no. …

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