Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

At First Opportunity, Shop like Your Life Really Depends on It

Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

At First Opportunity, Shop like Your Life Really Depends on It

Article excerpt

I HAD a strange phone call last week that reminded me, once again, of the many stupid things I am capable of doing.

In some cases, I get accused of doing them intentionally, when it really just boils down to a low IQ.

I certainly have plenty of history when it comes to stumbling through life from one Homer Simpson debacle to the next (You know, vacant look and "doh" when I realise what I have done, or caused).

Going back to the 1980s when the youngest son was still in nappies, I famously left his six-year-old brother and 15- year-old boarder in charge of him while I went to footy

training.

When I got home I could hear him screaming from the bathroom and went in there to find the other two spraying his bum with Glen 20 to get rid of the smell of a full nappy. (Sorry if you have read about this before but I am painting a picture for my latest stupid thing.)

A few years later I came home after a rather late night, as full as the last bus, and crawled into bed trying not to wake up the bomb-thrower on the other side.

It seemed to work a treat and, amazingly, I woke up early for my job, which at that time was delivering power poles.

Being the caring person I am, I left the lights off so as not to disturb the scary woman and went into the bathroom to brush my teeth in the dark.

It was all fine, except instead of toothpaste I used Retinol.

The funny thing about that was I clearly remember having to really, really squeeze the tube to get anything to come out.

It still never tipped me off that something was the matter.

Of course, the gagging, vomiting, gargling and mad brushing of teeth with toothpaste did wake up my old mate, who proceeded to stand beside me and tell me it was God's way of punishing me as she laughed hysterically.

Of course, I could go on and on, recounting my rich history of stupidity. …

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