Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

Old Bulldog Just Repeating the Same Old Political Tricks

Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

Old Bulldog Just Repeating the Same Old Political Tricks

Article excerpt

MY wife was woken yesterday morning by the rants of a madman, the sight of me charging around the lounge room pulling my hair and swearing an unfortunate, frequent occurrence.

She winced, then told me to calm down in a soft, even voice.

I glared at the source of my aggravation in the newspaper and collapsed on the lounge room floor, arms tugging at knees and head bunting the ground.

C[pounds sterling]Please, Mark, take it easy,C[yen] my wife said.

She embraced me, my torment coursing through her like she had suddenly been inhabited by a rabid baboon. She released her grip, and backed away.

Exhausted and flushed, I stood up and sat down on the couch.

I covered my face with my hands, then took a deep breath and held it for several seconds, exhaling like I was trying to rid myself of the worst kind of horror.

My wife stared blankly at me as I asked her to explain why it was happening again.

A highly ambitious question, given the subject matter held as much interest to her as a drunken husband and a lurid wink.

My hair was madcap, and I wore the pungent odour of a restless night. I picked up the newspaper and pointed at the picture of a woman.

Her heavily made-up face was flat, much like a bulldog, her red-coloured lips pursed in a manner resembling scumbag entitlement, and her bright red hair was styled in a manner that was incongruous with modern society.

C[pounds sterling]I wish she would just p*** off for good,C[yen] I said.

To me, the bulldog is no better than a festering sore that refuses to heal, I told my wife.

I explained that the woman's views are shared by many Australians, and the only reason they don't get more traction is because she speaks like her nasal passages are permanently blocked, while it's highly likely a cockroach infiltrated her brain and laid eggs.

I said that most of her supporters spoke the same way. The more intelligent ones are even more repellent. …

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