Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

Husband Yearns for Missing Intimacy

Newspaper article Sunshine Coast Daily (Maroochydore, Australia)

Husband Yearns for Missing Intimacy

Article excerpt

Q INTIMACY. How do I get it back? I have been with my partner for six years and we have two wonderful kids.

I love her and tell her this often, whether by phone, text or in person. I work five nights a week from dusk 'til dawn. On my nights off, I try to spend time with my family. We go on dates now and then, go shopping together or the movies.

The problem is maybe I expect too much but I'm not getting as much intimacy from my partner as I would like. I have tried talking to her but nothing happens.

We used to be all hot and heavy but now I'm lucky if I'm able to hold her hand. I only hear her say I love you maybe six times a year.

I like to snuggle but she doesn't want to do that. I'm not worried about sex, but an intimate connection is important to me.

A It sounds like you miss the loving part of your marriage. It's a common experience for the priority on intimacy to wane after a few years of marriage and living together.

And in the wake of that can be relationship distance and disconnection, growing apart, and then even a desire for separate lives. Some used to call it the aseven-year itcha and then modern living shortened it to a afour-year itcha and in some research studies a athree-year itcha.

So at six years into marriage, with two children and a challenging work schedule, it's not too surprising that there are some intimacy issues to deal with.

At the start of every romantic relationship, there is a limerence phase during which the attraction and desire for a mutual romantic connection is so overpowering that being loving together is easy and comes very naturally.

This phase doesn't not last, though, because we aren't supported biochemically for this passionate initial phase to continue once we are past the beginning of falling in love.

So it's rather a good thing that you are seeking more intimacy six years on than hot sex, because the hot sex may follow the renewed intimacy, but just having hot sex won't revive the intimacy. …

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