Newspaper article The Northern Star (Lismore, Australia)

I'm Surrounded by Dumb Drivers

Newspaper article The Northern Star (Lismore, Australia)

I'm Surrounded by Dumb Drivers

Article excerpt

I'M pretty sure my car carries invisible signs. Invisible to me that is.

But they must be there and apparently they read something like aPlease feel free to do something really, really silly in front of mea.

So, you ask, if they are invisible, how do I know they are there?

Well, they have to be, given the number of silly things that happen in front of me when I'm behind the wheel.

You could say it's just my paranoia, but I have witnesses you see. Very credible witnesses too. People who regularly sit in my passenger seat and see these things happen to me.

When I first told a regular passenger about these invisible signs, she gave me a sidewards glance that said something like, aHe's lost the plot. Let me out nowa.

That quickly changed of course when silly things started happening when she was in the car.

Things like parked cars pulling out unexpectedly in front of me, cars stopping suddenly in the middle of the road because the driver had spotted a parking spot on the other side of the road, drivers doing unexpected U-turns just about anywhere, drivers turning out of side streets without looking . . . you get the drift.

I'm sure that sort of thing happens to every driver a but it just seems to happen a lot to me.

There are palm imprints on the dashboard and hollows on the floor where passengers have desperately tried to apply non-existent brakes.

Well, they aren't there really. But they would be if it were physically possible.

And honestly, without blowing my own trumpet, it's not my driving ability that is the problem. At least I don't think it is. I'm no Mark Webber, but I have been driving for a long time and I do know my own abilities and limitations when behind the wheel.

Ironically, today a Easter Saturday a to the best of my memory, marks the 25th anniversary of my lone traffic transgression in 45 years on the road. …

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