Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

The Saloon Is Dead - Long Live the Saloon

Newspaper article Evening Gazette (Middlesbrough, England)

The Saloon Is Dead - Long Live the Saloon

Article excerpt


CONSIDER, if you would, the lost pennies collected from the gutter of life's potholed highway which are never actually spent. The mixed metaphors for the jumble sale of knowledge. Yes, well enough of that. More directly speaking, what the hell use is an iambic pentameter? After A-level English, even during it, did you find any purpose for this at all, even as a door stop? Long division. Go on do some. Only someone so old they are clinically Davros can remember long division. No sooner had lessons finished than Casio invented the calculator. That is aside from the products and practices we have known and forgotten. Like TCP. Even our dog had to gargle with TCP. My grandmother's remedy for accidental amputation would be a good old gargle.

And next time you are being pestered to pay for a charity bag-pack at the supermarket ask one of the Scouts what ever happened to bob-a-job? My theory is that some people saw it as a cost-efficient way to get driveways paved.

Anyway, in my world, all gone the way of the Dodo and Bing Crosby. Bringing us to the family saloon car. Apparently the end is nigh for four doors and a boot, a configuration said to be as relevant as squares on the hypotenuse and other such mud dwellers.

Really, so why do people like Kia keep launching them? Manufacturers don't decide on what should be in their line-up by playing one potato, two potato.

The pounds 21,695 Optima diesel 2 Luxe model is a well appointed endorsement that there is still demand. The thing is drivers in this celestial quadrant expect a degree of style and comfort with plenty of kit rather than the functionality of a small MPV or dwarf crossover. So how does the Kia measure up? Well, it's got the looks. Hate to be an anorak but these are among the sexiest alloys in the business, 18 inches and allied to subtle but effective body kit. …

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